Effels Mugging Ordeal

Ohh yes it was awful…Tell you what get the drinks in and I’ll make myself comfy and tell you all about it. I’ll be in my usual seat in the corner. My usual fanks very kind of you I’m sure…nah wait up I’ll have a brandy on account of my nerves, in shreds they are, shreds.
Ohhh luverly just wait the doctor ordered, this’ll do the trick nicely. Your ‘ealth! A double too, very kind indeed.
Hear about it did you? Yeah… nasty business all round. Wotsvat? Nah on my way ome from the bingo when it happened, nah can’t afford a taxi can I? Just left Ada at hers turned the corner and wham! Didn’t know what hit me did I?
Yeah that’s what my Frank said but I can’t stop in every night can I? Go orf my chump wouldn’t I?
My Frank’s youngest suggested self defence classes, you know feng shu and the like…but I didn’t need it did I? Not me ! I hit him with me handbag and with my brolly too for good measure yeah good and proper. Lor you should have seen him run! That Linford Christie would have been proud!
Ada’s taken it badly you know, it’s really upset her somehow. No couldn’t persuade her to come ‘ere tonight, that’s why I’m on my own.
Ohh seen it in the paper did you…yes headline news "OAP’s mugging ordeal” Makes me out to be some sort of hero…ridiculous in my opinion…still feel a bit shaken up mind and it’s been a week since! Ohhh don’t mind if I do very kind same again ta.